Don't do it, Michael!

Don't take those drugs imported from Canada. Thanks to a tip from a Canadian friend in Michigan, I now know why the Runaway Bride ran away. She was trying to get to Neverland to warn Michael Jackson not to use unsafe drugs from Canada. ("Michael, they'll turn your skin pasty white. They'll make your nose go pointy. They'll make you weird.") Unfortunately, she never got there, but, thank goodness, drug giant GlaxoSmithKline has the best interests of Americans at heart and has mounted an altruistic campaign to warn of the dangers. Nasty drugs aren't the only threat. USA-hating Canuckistan is also swarming with terrorists, like the 9-11 hijackers, all of whom, including Saddam Hussein (who personally flew one of those planes into a WTC tower), entered the US from north of the border, where their minds had been corrupted by the socialistic CBC.

And speaking of risks to your health, here's a BBC summary of another study linking meat consumption to cancer. Coincidentally, today's Globe and Mail has the latest in a fatuous series called "The Men's Club". This one, aptly titled "Meatheads", has Ian Brown, Seamus O'Regan, and Russell Smith salivating over the barbecue. Smith, whose fiction shows him normally to be a keen and witty observer of the urban scene, leads the pack here in the standard blather about how macho barbecuing meat is, and how women defer to men at the grill. Brown says, "If there is something specifically masculine about barbecuing, it's that the men leave the kitchen, they leave the safety of the domestic and move into the outdoors where there is danger everywhere." This twaddle echoes a key apology for hunting, but more about that another time. Brown also raises the issue of the risk to health, but Smith responds, "Why would you seek to prolong your life if your life has no pleasure in it?" My question is, how insecure about your masculinity do you have to be to imagine that it is reinforced by grilling the dismembered corpses of your fellow creatures?